


Love Is An Embarrassing Thing

by artificial_ink



Series: Stark Family Secrets [3]
Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies), X-Men (Movies)
Genre: Again, And sometimes Logan wants to swat Darcy like a fly, Angst and Feels, Chocolate solves a lot of things, Clint needs a kick in the ass, Clint needs to use his words, Darcy is Tony's secret daughter, Darcy needs a hug, Developing Relationship, F/M, In Vino Veritas, So do preplanned playlists, also, relationships are complicated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-19
Updated: 2013-03-04
Packaged: 2017-11-29 19:36:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/690661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artificial_ink/pseuds/artificial_ink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy has been wanting something more for a while now, but she isn't sure if Clint will ever be willing to give.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place about 7 months before Pain Au Chocolat. If you haven't read that, just know that Darcy is Tony's daughter (and that fact is a secret in this 'verse).
> 
> Had most of this written up for a while but wanted to finish Stark Family Secrets first. And it's another experiment with writing more flowery passages (at least in this chapter) and with writing feels. Sorry in advance for all the feels...

 

Love grows in me like a tumour.  
Parasite bent on devouring its host.  
I'm developing my sense of humour,  
Till I can laugh at my heart between your teeth-  
Till I can laugh at my face beneath your feet. 

Skillet on the stove, it's such a temptation.  
Maybe I'll be the lucky one that doesn't get burned...  
What the fuck was I thinking? 

- _Fuck Was I_ , Jenny Owen Youngs

>~~~~<

 

"So will you be at O'Conners tonight?" Clint asked. He was on his hands and knees at the edge of his bed, trying to fish out the belt that had been carelessly tossed away earlier. From the other side of the bed, Darcy watched carefully. They had decided to sneak into Stark Tower during their lunch break for a quick fuck. Like the other fucks of late, it had been fast and dirty, making Darcy feel just a little ashamed and completely used. Even if one itch was scratched, there was another insistent one that grew with every empty grunt and bruising grip of her hips.

Honestly, she was starting to wonder why they even bothered going to his room anymore during the day. Having sex in a dusty janitor's closet would probably leave her dignity in the same state and it was a shorter walk back to her desk. As much as Clint liked to insist he wanted to keep some semblance of professionalism by separating where he worked and where he had sex, Darcy thought it was a moot point when they were leaving work in the day to have sex in the first place. If Coulson knew about it, he'd probably give Darcy his 'I'm disappointed in you because I know you're better than that' face. It was very similar to the face he gives Fury whenever someone brings up the subject of his blood stained vintage Captain America trading cards, but with more...sadness.

There wasn't any sign of affection with Clint anymore and that was upsetting. Slowly, it had become clear to Darcy that Clint only used her as a warm, willing body now. No personality or even talking necessary. The realisation had been a rude awakening. She started to resent the situation she had loved only a short time ago.

It hadn't always been like this. Their sporadic booty calls were so much fun in the beginning. Each touch had been full of snarky demands, teasing and all around playfulness as they explored each other's bodies the first times. Their arrangement seemed perfect. Both were commitment-phobes and snark bros, so they got along well. The great sex was an added bonus. Before Darcy and Clint hooked up, Darcy's sex life had been rather depressing. Most of her time was taken up with all the SHIELD training she needed to complete before she could be officially titled Coulson's assistant as well as the actual paperwork, even if her clearance was only 'under consideration'. So the nights she had been able to go out and try to find one-night stands were few and far between. Unfortunately, the guys she did go home with weren't all that impressive.

The first hook up between the two friends hadn't occurred in the most dignified of circumstances. One night, they decided to go bar hopping with the intent of being each other's wingman. The night dragged on and they both got drunk. For some reason, Darcy put it to Clint that his bed skills weren't as amazing as he always boasted. Clint took up the challenge he couldn't make her come 3 times in 3 different ways that night and…he did. Rather spectacularly too. Apparently, the world’s best archer could find a target even when he was drunk. Darcy may not have had been the world's best anything but she could still give impressive head after 5 beers so a gentleman's agreement was born. Mutual pleasure between two people who liked to have 'that's what she said' conversations. They fist bumped or high-fived after sex and parted ways. No one else knew because they didn't need to know, nor did they suspect anything. It didn't affect how Darcy and Clint treated one another. Bros with benefits, pure and simple.   

She could pinpoint exactly when the arrangement changed. On what was supposed to be a routine, weekend conference in Detroit with Coulson ended up with a clusterfuck of gunfire and Clint pushing Darcy to safety while just barely missing a bullet to the head. After life assuring sex that night in the hotel, they'd just held each other, scattering little kisses across faces, shoulders and fingers in an attempt to assure themselves the other was still alive until sleep took them. Things grew more heated between them the more they met. Not just because of the great sex but because they would spend hours talking. Earnestly, without huge amounts of sarcasm. It was strange but the more it happened the more Darcy understood and adored Clint and the more Darcy found she was way out of her comfort zone.

Then one night, it was slow but ardent and absolutely frightening. Darcy was sure she had been simultaneously burning and drowning halfway through. Everything Darcy had ever felt for previous boyfriends or flings suddenly looked silly and juvenile with the hindsight she was gaining in the moment but despite the chest clenching fear at this realisation, she clung onto Clint and enjoyed every touch. When they had finished, all Darcy wanted to do was stare into Clint’s eyes because she couldn’t remember a time where she felt more safe and cared for in that moment. That was when she realised their no strings attached deal between friends was suddenly a rather convoluted web.

Dread had been saturating Darcy's insides for the past couple months. Something felt so _wrong_ and it left a sour taste in her mouth whenever she thought about how right it had felt for just a moment. Just as she had started to accept what was naturally developing between her and Clint, everything snapped. Any hint of affection had disappeared- playful or caring. It felt impersonal, almost like a SHIELD debriefing except in that instance she could have at least been guaranteed a joke to remind her that life was still okay. While the sex was satisfying on a primal level, there was something off putting when Clint went about getting her off much like he would carry out an infiltration mission at Hydra HQ. The best thing would have been to break off what they were doing and move on. Pretend it never happened.

But Darcy couldn't bring herself to do that and she wasn’t entirely sure why.

Clint was looking at her expectantly, threading his belt through the loops of his black combat trousers. Blinking a few times, Darcy realised he had asked her a question about the outing she'd organised for the Avengers and X-Men that night.

"Yeah, I'll be there," Darcy said, picking up her skirt from the floor and trying to rub out some small wrinkles. "I'm one of the only ones who actually knows most of them, you know."

"Well if it goes according to plan tomorrow, I'll be getting to know them better. Any advice on how to handle mutants?" Clint joked. Tomorrow, they were scheduled to go over final agreements before signing a sort of peace treaty between S.H.I.E.L.D. and the X-Men. It would mean that if one group needed help in a mission, the other would be obliged to help if possible. There were a lot of other smaller clauses throughout, obviously and talking about every tiny thing was going to take ages.

This had been in the works for a while but rumours among S.H.I.E.L.D. agents had been whispered for the past few months. Slight hostility was met when it was finally announced of course but it was slowly fading, which was a relief. Plans were moving fast as villains wait for no treaties between the good guys. It was only last month that Darcy and Coulson travelled to the Academy to offer the first vocal olive branch. Even though Clint was waiting for another answer, Darcy thought fondly on the trip.    

 

 

>~~~~< 

 

"Ain’t there anyone else you can talk to? Like, someone who cares?"

"Oh you totally care, if you didn't you wouldn't have bothered to come out drinking," Darcy insisted with a sly smile before spinning on the stool with a giggle.

"I wanted a beer and was hopin’ to drink it in peace. Y’know, to wind down after being kicked in the balls," Logan said, assuming Darcy would get the hint. Instead, she stared at him with her serious face- at least as serious as she could get while on the way towards drunk.

"I'm sorry I kicked you in the balls, but you snuck up on me so it's really your fault," that earned her a side eyed glare from Logan that clearly showed he did not share the same opinion. "Okay, so I need some advice. It's about a difficult man and I figure you're a difficult man, nice but difficult so-"

"Not a lota people’d use the term 'nice man'," mentioned Logan, actually a little amused. He took a large gulp of his beer.

"Man, titanium steroid cat, whatever," Darcy waved a dismissive hand.

"Titanium steroid cat?" He asked incredulously, almost spitting out his drink but Darcy continued as normal.

"So there's this man-"

"What did I do to deserve this? No, don't answer that."

"And we sort of...made a deal."

"Deal? What kind?" asked Logan after a pause, patience clearly tested but he was resigned to the fact he was going to be playing Agony Aunt for the next few minutes.

"A sex deal," Darcy answered more dramatically than she may have if she weren't tipsy. Still, it garnered a bit of Logan's interest and she thought she saw his eyes flicker down to her breasts.

"If ya need help runnin’ away from a pimp-"

"No, no he's not a pimp. He's just my booty call," laughed Darcy, hitting Logan playfully on the shoulder. He didn't flinch from the touch but he didn't enjoy it either. "So, we made a deal that we'd sex each other up whenever we needed but not date each other because we fail at that. 'Cept. I thought I wasn't looking for a relationship and then here I am, in the middle of one. Well, he doesn't think we are. I mean, we aren't but, we sort of totally are because we haven't been seeing other people. I say seeing but I mean fucking. And we've been spending the nights at each other’s after sex- and god is the sex fan-fucking-tastic. Pun _so_ intended. Oh, and some of his stuff is at my place. I mean, he has a toothbrush at mine. _A toothbrush_! If that's not a relationship, I don't know what is. Normally I'm a fuck 'em and leave 'em gal but Clint's so...so..."

"There a point to all of this?"

"Okay," Darcy heaved a sigh before flailing her hands about. "So I really like him and I am sure he likes me but how do I...know?"

"Know?"

"Know that he'd be willing to be my boyfriend!" exclaimed Darcy, frustrated that he couldn't keep up. Logan stared at Darcy, deep in thought at how to answer the question. Or how the hell he got into this predicament. Finally, he leaned towards her, looking like he was about to impart highly classified man secrets. Darcy's eyes grew and she leaned towards him in anticipation.

"Shouldn't make deals ya can't follow through on," Logan stated, enjoying the disappointed pout now on Darcy's lips. Maybe now she'd leave him alone.

"You're a jerk, playing with my emotions. Just like Clint."

"Just find someone else who wants ta be yer boyfriend so ya can leave me and him alone."

"But I want Clint," whined Darcy, causing a growl to leave Logan's throat. "I think he wants me. He looks at me with this look sometimes, like, like he really cares about me and I'm the only one in the world that matters. Then he moves the hair away from my face and kisses me so softly that it makes me melt. It's so romantic but not the shitty cliché kind. It's spontaneous and he doesn't know it's romantic but it is! And he's such a good cuddler. You wouldn't think so with his whole macho man douche canoe aura he tries to put up but he's all gooey mushy sweet on the inside. Like a Peep! I bet you're a Peep under your steroid cat act." She started to experimentally poke at Logan's upper arm, like if she pressed right spot it would reveal his squishy, sugary Peep centre.

"Hey there sweetheart," Rogue thankfully stopped Logan from having to answer. The young woman suddenly appeared on the other side of the inebriated Darcy, causing Logan to utter an audible sigh of relief and not ask why she was in the bar in the first place. "Let’s get you a cuppa coffee and you can tell me all about it. Maybe we can figure out what you can say to this fella o’yours?"    

 

 

>~~~~< 

 

Darcy shook her head slightly, trying to escape the memory. Plastering an overly enthusiastic smile and zipping up her skirt, she tried to act like everything was absolutely fine.

"Handle them like you would handle any other agent. I don't see why you guys are so hostile against them. Besides, I thought you'd be excited. Didn't Professor Xavier do some mind thingy to make sure there weren't any traces of Loki left?" Darcy pointed out lightly. Out of all the Avengers, she would have thought Clint would be the most welcoming. It was actually Xavier's offer to sweep Clint's mind and try to start the healing process that had started the ideas for negotiations.

"Yeah well, that's different," Clint shrugged, picking up his shirt and examining it for invisible pieces of lint. When Darcy realised he wasn't going to elaborate on what actually happened when he met with Charles, she sighed and continued.

"They're pretty cool. Hung out with them at a bar when Coulson and I went to start up negotiations. Cosy bars are great places to build bonds and feelings of kinship."

"Or to start fights." 

"Whatever," Darcy waved, irritated. "Rogue is one of the nicest people you'll ever meet and Logan and I are pretty tight," Darcy started to blurt, not entirely in control of all the words coming out of her mouth at the moment. Feelings she had pushed away were freely bubbling up to the surface and popped to leave an unsettling acidic burn in her chest. If she didn't rant on then she ran the risk of blurting out how she really felt. Neither she and Clint were ready for that to be in the open.

"Logan, isn't that...Wolverine right? The asshole with the claws. Steve might have mentioned him once. Something about the war..."

"Yep, that's the one. Don't be fooled. He's not as douchey as he wants people to think. I think he's got a soft spot for me though. Actually, sweet young things in general. Ones who don't know the meaning of go away. Or at least the girls in my case because he was _so_ checking them out. Well, everyone does," continued Darcy, deciding what the hell, might as well own the ridiculousness she was spouting to cover up her nerves. Besides, it wasn't a lie per say, she was pretty sure that he disliked her less than other people. He was amused by her if anything, which was a win either way. 

Darcy looked up as she waited for Clint's reaction only to find he had froze and was clenching his shirt, twisting it tightly in his hands. Tension threaded through his shoulders but he looked straight ahead so she couldn't make out his facial expression. Still, he looked like a taut bow about to release. The next few words were forced out carefully but she could almost hear his clenched teeth grinding.

"Made an impression did you?"

"Well, I kicked him in the balls the first time we met. He snuck up behind me and was kind of asking for it," she said, confused at Clint's sudden change but as quickly as it came, it was shrugged off.

"Kicked him in the balls?" Clint asked, turning his head slightly. He was some parts impressed, other parts horrified at the idea of anyone getting their balls smashed.

"Yeah, Coulson was pretty proud I used my ninja skills and not my taser. Oh! And I called him a titanium steroid cat. But overall he was nice...ish. Well he didn't glare too much when I said good bye so I think it was all in my favour in a...uh, asserting myself as the alpha dog sort of way."

"Titanium steroid cat huh?" mulled Clint slowly, finally pulling on his shirt and turning around. "Guy needs to be de-clawed."

"Yeah, birds don't really like cats do they?" teased Darcy, earning a chuckle from Clint. There were crinkles around his eyes from his smile. She had the powerful urge to kiss him hard enough he didn't remember the training session he was to lead in about half an hour. She wanted him to forget everything existed but her, to hold her softly and not leave small bruises over her heart and hips for once. To love her. Darcy stood up and sashayed towards Clint with determination in her eyes. As she approached, Clint's head turned, suspicion in the miniscule twist of his neck and quirk of an eyebrow.

"Don't worry I can protect you from that mean ol' putty cat," promised Darcy, voice lowering into a seductive purr. Darcy placed a hot palm on Clint's chest and felt his body stiffen an in attempt to stop himself from moving in closer. Even though he tried to keep an impassive face, a simmering yearning could be seen along the edges. His Adam's apple bobbed from a slow swallow. Licking his lips before continuing in a hoarse voice, the archer gripped Darcy's upper arm to keep her in place.

"Do I look like a little yellow bird to you?" The gruff tone made Darcy's face heat up. It had to be a secret talent he had or something they taught in spy school. There was no logical explanation for why that sentence was turning Darcy on as much as it was. Deciding the question was not as important as satisfying her revived libido, Darcy leaned in for a kiss. 

Their kiss was blazing. Everything that had been bubbling up to confuse and hurt Darcy was poured out into this one kiss. The longing, craving, hunger and want for a little more. As of late, she'd tried grasping onto anything to keep her from bashing her head in the fall and hoped that what held her up was even a fragment of love. Just something to cushion the inevitable blow. Anything to shower her with delusion during that grey area between consciousness and dreams. Just some sort of comfort when reality was too harsh. The only thing she had to grasp onto now that Clint closed off his feelings were his kisses and you could bet everything that Darcy held onto what little she was given.

She threw everything into the kiss and Clint caught it all. Their tongues slid together in between possessive nibbles and Darcy felt herself burning from the inside out. She bit his bottom lip and tugged gently, not knowing what to do with the lighter than air haze clouding her head. The only thing she was aware of now was the tight grip Clint had on her arm, anchoring her to the floor.

But suddenly it all cracked, leaving her heart shattered in small, jagged shards.   

Clint pulled away roughly, letting go of Darcy's arm. The look on his face was steely and determined. Cold.

"I'm going to be late. Do me a favour. Can you check up on the request forms I filled out last month. Phil hasn't denied or accepted them," Clint asked stiffly, now all business before grabbing his wallet and walking out the door. The blood was draining slowly from Darcy's face. She stood, watching the closed door with some hope that Clint would return and tell her it was all a joke. He didn't come back. Eventually, she put her blouse back on, found her shoes and went back to work. If Coulson noticed a difference in her, he didn't say anything. 

 

 

>~~~~<

 

Look I'm standing naked before you.  
Don't you want more than my sex?  
I can scream as loud as your last one  
But I can't claim innocence.

I could just pretend that you love me.  
The night would lose all sense of fear.  
But why do I need you to love me,  
When you can't hold what I hold dear? 

- _Leather_ , Tori Amos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited to add:  
> I've created a playlist of the songs mentioned in this fic/ helped inspire me as I wrote it. _[Can be found on 8Tracks.](http://8tracks.com/artificialink/love-is-an-embarrassing-thing) _


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and reviews on the first chapter! I hope you don't end up hating me too much by the end of all this...

It isn’t easy for me to let go,  
‘Cause I swallow every single word.  
And every whisper, every sigh  
Eats away at this heart of mine.  
And there is a hollow in me now.

 But I’m trying to hope with nothing to hold.  
I’m living on such sweet nothing.  
And it’s hard to learn  
And it’s hard to love,  
When you’re giving me such sweet nothing.

 

_Sweet Nothing_ , Calvin Harris feat Florence Welch

>~~~~< 

 

Heaving a shaky sigh, Darcy tried to hide her frown as she watched Clint flirting with a blonde near the digital jukebox. From her place by the bar, she had the perfect view of Clint smirking as he pushed some of the giggling woman's hair behind her ear. Really, this day was turning into a bag of dicks. A snort escaped from the person next to her and Darcy turned to see Rogue clasping her hand over her mouth with an amused gleam in her eyes.

"S’cuse me?" Rogue asked, confused because they had been in the middle of a conversation about some of the better shops around NYC.

Hm, seems Darcy said that last part out loud. Biting her lip in uncertainty, Darcy contemplated just making up some one liner but remembered that the other woman had comforted her last month and had been texting for updates so there really wasn't much of a point lying.

"Jukebox," Darcy simply stated, focusing her attention on the gin and tonic that was placed before her. It took a moment for Rogue to understand but she looked at Darcy compassionately.

"Oh, that's Clint, right?" she asked, lowering her voice into a whisper.

"Yeah, he has a fondness for leggy blondes, as you can see," answered Darcy bitterly.

"I'm sorry sweetheart. So you two not seeing each other anymore? Or...whatever it was you two were doing?"

"Well, we had sex during lunch break. But guess how much that meant to him?" That earned an even more sympathetic look from Rogue but Darcy didn't notice it as she was too busy feeling used and foolish.

"Well he's an idiot. Can't see the amazing girl he's got right in front of him. Isn't that right?" Rogue turned around and stared at Logan, who had gone to get another beer as well as avoid Tony's incessant questions about his bone structure.

"Yeah, sure," Logan stated, not paying attention to anything other than his alcohol. After a moment of silence, he felt Rogue's glare and looked at the two women with a raised eyebrow.

"That's Clint over there talking to that hussy. The fella Darcy was telling us about last month."

"Will ya stop it? Been talkin’ my ear off all month about this," complained Logan. "I preferred it when ya had yer nose in those romance novels. At least ya kept quiet ‘bout it."

"I, wh-" a rose tint started to blossom on Rogue's cheeks at the realisation that her secret stash of romance novels weren't so secret.

"They're rotting yer brain by the way," Logan sniffed. "And Darcy, just find another guy. Loads of them starin' in here."

"Oh, you have no sense of romance," Rogue quickly regained her ability to speak.

"If I give ya some advice, will ya shut up about all this whenever I'm around?"

"If it's good advice," Darcy said, curious as to what his advice would be. Though she had a feeling it would be a reiteration of 'find someone else'.

"Make him jealous," Logan simply stated, surprised at the confused looks that it brought. Sighing, he took a long gulp of his beer before explaining. "I can tell he likes ya. Don't ask me how I just do. Make him a little jealous and maybe he'll come around. No guarantees though."

"Jealous?" asked Darcy skeptically. 

"Yeah, it can drive a man crazy," Logan said tightly.

"I think that's a great idea," gasped Rogue before she made her way to the jukebox without explanation. For a few moments, Darcy watched Rogue pick out a few songs but couldn't get Clint out of her line of sight so went back to her drink.

"Why are you being so helpful?" she asked Logan with untrusting eyes.

"Like I said, sort this out and maybe Rogue will let me have some peace. She really has been talking about yer problem all month."

"Really? It's not like it's that big of a deal. To her at least. It doesn't affect her."

"I think she likes to have a distraction from some of her own problems," shrugged Logan, though there seemed to be a little more weight to his words that made Darcy wonder if this was a distraction for him too.

"You're a big softie, you know?" Darcy fondly said, tapping his shoulder softly with a fist. All she got in answer was another eyebrow raise.   

"Ya owe me though."

"A round of beers?"

"Get Tony to stop pokin’ at me. Almost broke his nose and I don't think Wheels would be too happy if I caused a fight ‘fore anything was signed."

"What makes you think I can convince Tony to do anything?" Darcy asked, trying to keep the suspicion out of her voice. For a long moment, Logan stared at Darcy, wondering if she knew that Tony was her father. If he couldn't have smelled it, he probably would have guessed by the way the billionaire treated the young girl in the few interactions they had. Deciding to not open another can of worms, Logan played it safe. He really didn't want to be the accidental paternity test right now.

"He's sweet on ya. And you…stopped him from gettin’ a temper tantrum when he found out where we'd all planned on goin’ out. So I figure you could get it through his thick hide that he'll be missing a few parts of his anatomy if he doesn't stop bein’ so interested in mine."

That earned him another calculating look from Darcy but she eventually seemed satisfied with his explanation. Before Darcy could continue the conversation, Rogue had snuck back looking very pleased with herself. The music in the bar changed to a slow song and Darcy suddenly understood her plan.

"Dancing? Really? That's your master plan to make him jealous?"

"It perfect. He sees you gettin’ close to someone and it'll drive him crazy ‘cause it's not him."

"Dancing? With who?" Logan asked though his glare showed he knew the answer.

"Let's go big guy, I'll buy you a beer afterwards," Darcy promised, tugging on Logan's arm. While she didn't have any faith in the plan, it was more to do with the fact she didn't think she could get Clint jealous with just some slow dancing. If it kept Rogue happy though, might as well try. Also, it might look good to the others if they thought there were true ties being formed between the teams. So really, she was dancing for SHIELD.

"Shoulda kept my mouth shut," groaned Logan but he eventually started to lead Darcy towards the open space by the jukebox. "I uh, don't really-"

"Just hold and sway," suggested Darcy, laying her head against his chest so it faced away from Clint and his new prize but did allow her to see the huge grin on Rogue's face. Quickly getting the idea, Logan wrapped an arm around Darcy's waist to pull her tighter and held her other hand in his against his chest. They swayed in silence and Darcy couldn't help but admit that it was nice, even if he wasn't the person she rather have holding her. After a moment or so, Logan whispered to her in a way that must have looked intimate to anyone looking from afar.

"Y’know, these words aren't very subtle. Considering the situation."

"Yeah, though if we're going to try, might as well go big or go home," mentioned Darcy, listening to the soft tones of _The Limit To Your Love_ as it flowed from the speakers. She would have to make some playlists with Rogue later. That girl obviously knew how to create an atmosphere.

_“There’s a limit to your care, so carelessly there. Is it truth or dare? There’s a limit to your care.”_

"I think it's workin'. He's glaring at me."

"Really?" Darcy tried to turn her head to see but Logan stopped her by grabbing her chin with a gentle hand and pulled it up slightly so she was looking at him.

"Two of ya really never heard of subtly, huh?"

"And you're suddenly a master at it?"

"Kept ya from looking like a lovesick pup. So yeah, in comparison. It’ll work better if you ignore him. Trust me."

"Whatever," Darcy sighed, putting her head back against his chest, facing away from Clint and his supposed glare. This time, she noticed that a few people from the X-Men and Avengers were noticing the odd turn of events. There was a mixture of confusion, worry and just general interest. Wolverine slow dancing with someone was probably very out of character for him. No, she _knew_ it was out of character for him and Darcy was a little smug that she had been able to get him to dance. She started to look at the faces that stared at them individually and stopped her dad's. He looked suspicious and on edge, like he was about to give the 'I have a shotgun' talk. Burrowing her nose into his chest to muffle her snort and laugh, Darcy's grip tightened and brought a questioning glance from Logan.  

"Let's just say that I don't think Tony will be asking too many questions about your titanium claws for a while," Darcy mentioned, watching Logan's neck twitch a little at the urge to turn and look at the audience they'd collected.

"Good, was ‘bout to use his iron suits as a scratching post."

"See you _are_ a big kitty!" Darcy laughed, enjoying the grunt of disapproval from Logan.

"I prefer Wolverine."

"Yeah, a ferocious weasel. That's definitely your spirit animal." That got her a short bark of laughter from Logan. He pulled away to twirl her, mirth in his eyes.

"Honey badgers are weasels. I hear they're pretty mean bastards," Logan stated, pleased when it made Darcy laugh carelessly. Apparently, she was also aware of the video the kids at the academy constantly talked about a few months ago. Logan was about to say something else when loud, violent movement caught their attention. They both turned in time to watch as Clint shoved a chair out of his way while pulling the giggling woman close to him to whisper into her ear. They walked out of the bar with obvious intent, glee written all over the blonde's face. Darcy felt as if she'd been hit in the gut.

"Shit. Sorry, I didn't think he'd be so petty-"

"Not your fault. Maybe this time I'll learn," Darcy said sharply. The song reached its end and there was a short second before the first notes of _Teenage Dream_ started to play. A few groans could be heard from some at their table at the song choice but Darcy could see a few people starting to sing along.  

"He looked pretty angry the whole time and I'm sure he's takin’ that woman home to get back at ya- us," Logan offered a little awkwardly. Comforting wasn't his best talent and he only got a shrug for the effort. "Y’know you could do better than him?"

"Maybe, but you can't help who you fall for, right?"

"Yeah," sighed Logan. Soon, Rogue joined them with an apologetic look.

"I'm sorry sweetheart," frowned Rogue but Darcy shook her head and put on a large, fake smile.

"Whatever, I don't need him."

"You sure? We can a heap a greasy food and say horrible things ‘bout him," offered Rogue but Darcy insisted on staying and not acting defeated.

"Dancing is the best cure for this. Hey Steve!" Darcy turned to the tall blonde who was talking to Cyclops. He looked up in confusion. "Join us, this is totally our song, what with me being so obsessed with you growing up. You're my teenage dream Steve!"

"What? I, uh," stumbled Steve, trying to pick one of the many reasons why he shouldn't dance. He was well aware of Darcy's Captain America obsession as a kid. They were friends now and Steve had got pretty used to Darcy's mania over his alter ego. Still, they liked to make jokes about her obsession time to time. Before he could come up with an excuse, Cyclops pushed him off his chair and towards the small group with a laugh. Darcy took the opportunity to grab his hand and pull him the rest of the way.

"Hey Capsicle, it'll be your official lesson in 21st century dancing," Tony offered, setting up his phone so he could record everything for later blackmail. 

"I don't know Darce. What about Logan?" Steve tried.

"I'm gonna go back to my beer," Logan announced, knowing he would rather watch Captain America feel uncomfortable from a distance. After he grabbed his beer, he sat down with the larger group, who was mostly laughing at the dancing scene or weighing the pros and cons of joining. Someone catcalled as Storm dragged a bashful Bruce Banner over to join the dancing crowd.

Sitting in his seat next to Tony, Logan reveled in the tight smile the billionaire gave him when he glanced away from his phone recording the quickly reddening Captain. Upset, overprotective father, Logan could handle.  He'd take that over being prodded like a science experiment and the magnets Tony kept on pulling from his pockets. He briefly wondered why Tony was less upset about his daughter trying to grind against Captain America but even Logan knew no woman's virtue was in deep trouble with the Cap unless all parties were in full agreement.

He let his thoughts wander and couldn't stop them from going back to Hawkeye. The glowers the archer had given Logan were not subtle and he was surprised no one else noticed them. Even though he admitted he felt a little bad for Darcy, he knew that some point had been made. Still, it was no longer his problem and he told himself he couldn't care less if the two semi-lovers never got their shit together. 


	3. Chapter 3

 

 

You've got a knife-throwing kind of love  
But your silence cuts the deepest.  
And I know I've made a mess of things-  
But I'm sorry for all that.  
Wish we could get the time back.

- _-London_ , Vanessa Carlton

>~~~~<

 

The next day, Logan found himself sitting in a conference room with Tony, Thor, Steve and Clint. He had arrived early for the meeting, which wasn't normal of him but he didn’t really feel like doing much else that morning. Though it did have him alone in a room with Steve Rogers for the first time in...years apparently. A rather awkward conversation happened in which Steve asked Logan about his intention towards Darcy. Logan assured him that he intended nothing but got a 'you're a good man' and slight blessing either way if he changed his mind. Then in walked the rambunctious men of The Avengers before Logan could ask Steve if his hearing had suddenly gone bad.

Odd times all around. All he wanted was to get the red tape bullshit over with so he could go to that cigar shop Darcy had found for him and then go home. Crossing his arms, he watched the four men talking and found himself becoming more and more irritated.

"Clint, saw the legs on that blonde you took home. So?" Tony waggled his eyebrows, wanting all the sordid details.

"Does yoga, knew her way 'round an arrow, if you know what I mean. It was like a Prince song," Clint stated evenly, tracing the wood grain of the table. The dirty undertones made Tony grin like a perverted Cheshire cat and raise his hand up for a high five. The whole exchange made Logan's skin prickle. Something didn't feel right; he could feel it in his bones. An idea popped into his head and he started to form a plan.  

"Nice. But you shouldn't have left so early. I mean, she was all legs and tits and great job but you could have at least stayed a bit longer to see the Cap turn redder than my suit when Darcy dragged him out to dance to pop songs. I haven't seen him so confused since Darce and I sang at his birthday party."

"Darce singing happy birthday was nice. The song you sang wasn't. You two made me believe that she wrote the song years ago and it had kind of...upsetting lyrics-"

"They altered some lyrics to fit you, so they sort of wrote it," Clint unhelpfully cut in but Steve continued. 

"And you spent money recording it with other songs and handed signed records out in party favour bags. I think I had every right to be worried," argued Steve, looking up and rationalising slowly so that there was no mistake that Stark actually heard and had time to processes his words. It only got a dismissive wave from Tony. 

"We couldn't limit our powerful harmonies to just one song, could we? By the way, we're planning a Christmas album," Tony mock whispered to Clint. "Besides I thought you told Darce that you liked our cover of _Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy_. Or were you lying to save her feelings?" asked Tony, getting an uncertain look from Steve.

"Now, I did like most of them," Steve started to backtrack. "That one and the Andrew Sisters song was swell-"

"I thought Tony was a convincing Andrew sister," Clint cut in again, not caring that he was being ignored. All the while, Logan was watching the men interact and wondered if he could get a copy of this CD. If Stark was involved, it had to be hilarious. Maybe he'd ask Steve later. What was a long meeting about teams working together if there weren't any perks afterwards?

"Okay only a couple were really troubling. What was that song you sang at the party- that _Stephen_ song? It just made me feel guilty. Normally, I'd laugh it off as a joke but it was that slideshow that made me rethink things. It was just overdoing it. I still don't want to know where you got some of those pictures."

"Tabloids, Darcy's facebook. Photoshopped a lot of them myself," Tony announced proudly.  

"All the upsetting songs were your idea, weren't they?" Steve started, pointing an accusing finger at Tony. "You're a bad influence on her."

"Although it may have appeared to be done in jest, I believe the Lady Darcy and shield brother Tony meant no ill will. Fun was had by all and it is a high respect to have so many ballads sung in one's honour. I still enjoy their uplifting _Super Bass_ on occasion," Thor cut in, trying to prevent any potential fight. 

"Let's get back to the point," started Tony, looking a little soured but shaking it off. "Clint got some and Steve was in between two attractive ladies- which included Darce who we all know almost worships him- and didn't even try to make a move. Most guys would kill to be the meat in that sandwich, or at least throw the girl a bone. Not sure why she likes you but she does," Tony challenged Steve.

"We've talked and there's nothing there," insisted Steve. He looked a little flustered but eventually rolled his eyes and went back to his notepad, refusing to engage Tony further. Apparently he had already reached his Tony-limit for the day. It amused Logan that Tony seemed to be trying to push his daughter on Steve. Though, he supposed to most fathers, Captain America was the preferred choice over a guy with indestructible claws and cigar habit. Stark had probably weighed his options and was likely rooting for Mr. Apple Pie.

"Lady Darcy is a fine maiden! She is, what saying have I heard used on Midgard? Ah! She is one of the finest things since sectioned bread. Any man would be fortunate to receive her high regard. In fact, did not our newest brother in arms garner her affections?" Thor pointed out, patting Logan on the back. The pat was meant to be friendly but it was hard enough to cause Logan to have to plant an arm on the table to steady himself. While Thor was playing jovial, there was obvious threat in his words that made Logan think long and hard about what he was planning on doing in the next hour.

"Yeah, she's a sweet girl," Logan said with a tight smile before suggesting with a sly smirk. "Hopefully I'll be seein’ more of her tonight ‘fore we leave. She lives in Stark's tower right?"

The reactions from the men almost made Logan break character. Thor shook his head sagely stating she lived a distance away. But he had a look of thunder rolling underneath the surface and seemed willing to call his hammer if any strong verbal indication of dirtying Darcy's maidenhood was uttered. Tony just stared at Logan for a long while with a calculating look, looking very much like Darcy had the night before when she was trying to work something out. Steve looked up from his doodles and gave Logan a confused look but quickly looked back down. He was trying not to be obvious about his attempts at working out what could have caused Logan's shift in attitude. His shoulders were a bit more tensed and he pressed just a bit harder onto the paper with his pencil.

And Clint, well, he looked like he wanted to tear Logan apart limb by limb. Yep, the next hour was going to be entertaining to say the least. 

Eventually, the rest of both teams filed into the room and took seats around the large conference table. Rogue was the first to walk in. She sat to Logan's right and was sipping from a tall paper coffee cup with the name of some cafe printed on the side. She handed an identical one to Logan and he stared at it.

"It's a soy chai tea latte and it's delicious," she explained when Logan refused to touch it. The explanation only got a scoff from him. Staring at Rogue skeptically, Logan leaned back in his chair.

"Why are y’here again?" While he had been given a vague explanation as to why the young woman had joined the trip, it didn't really make much sense to him.

"Because I'm Darcy's special guest," shrugged Rogue. Logan was obviously not impressed with the answer so she sighed and continued. "They thought I could help keep an eye on you. Make sure you don't mess up any special negotiations by tearin’ someone."

"Yer my baby sitter?" Logan laughed in disbelief.

"Yeah. You're not very charmin’ with strangers."  

"Charm? I'm full of charm," he insisted, earning giggles from both Rogue and Tony. Not liking that he was the butt of their joke, Logan stared at Tony and did the mature thing.

"Darcy thinks I'm charming."

That stopped the laughter. Tony, along with the other Avengers, were now openly glaring at Logan who simply gave them all a smug grin. The angriest glare was owned by Clint, though he beat Tony only by a fraction. Next to him, Rogue just had her brow raised in surprise at the claim but eventually stifled a few more giggles after taking in the scene. Just as Clint found his voice and was about to challenge the statement, more people started to file through the door. Logan gave in and took a sip of the sugary concoction in front of him. It wasn't horrible.

"Told ya it was good," Rogue stated triumphantly but was distracted when she noticed Darcy enter. By this point, the only people missing from the room were Xavier, Fury and Coulson. Without a word, Darcy started to hand out large folders. 

"Hey, here are the contracts, treaty agreements and boring details," she announced, starting to hand them one by one around the table. When Darcy reached Logan, she put the file in front of him like she'd done with the others. Logan made a swift movement with his hand to pick it up and instead the file fell to the ground.

Darcy crouched down to help pick up the file and a few loose papers that slipped out. All eyes seem to turn on them as Logan smiled when the file was handed back. He took the file with one hand and pushed a strand of loose curls behind Darcy's ear with a wink. At first, Darcy was surprised but she eventually smirked.

"Don't think I'll be kneeling in front of you again any time soon," she informed and Logan thanked her dirty mouth because it was making his plan a lot easier.

"Don't say that, never know what might happen ‘fore the day's over," Logan answered, spinning the chair so that his legs were slightly splayed open in front of Darcy. On the other side of the table, he heard Cyclops groan in frustration while the hostility around the table started to rise.

"Hey buddy, she isn't interested," Tony growled, any trace of snarky cheer from earlier completely gone.

"You don't know that," Rogue interjected, knowing what Logan was trying to do and wanting love to prevail.

"Yeah, he does," joined Clint, voice eerily calm, like a poised predator ready to strike. Darcy snapped her head towards him in confusion.

"Really bub? Since when do _you_ know what she wants?" challenged Logan before turning his attention back to Darcy. "What d’ya say sweet cheeks? Want a long ride on my motorcycle."

"Oh, uh-" before Darcy could come up with a witty retort, Clint jumped out of his chair. He twisted onto the table in an interesting move that ended up with drinks spilled across the table and him kicking Logan in the jaw with a steel-toed boot. The kick knocked Logan out of his chair and he had to admit he was a little impressed. Any bruise that was starting to form was already healing and Logan stood up slowly, taking time to crack his joints and stretch his muscles. Everyone was now standing up and waiting in some sort of a shocked stasis. Everyone except for Clint who looked full of rage, standing in a fighting stance and waiting for his next opening. Without warning, Logan landed a punch of his own into Clint's gut. He was careful to make sure that it hurt but wasn't hard enough to cause any extensive damage.

That punch broke everyone out of the haze and all hell broke loose. He was somewhat aware of Rogue and Darcy scurrying over to the other side of the table to stand by the redheaded ex-Russian spy who had not moved from her chair. Banner was quickly moving away, trying to control his breathing. The rest of the Avengers headed straight towards him, fists raised. 

The next few minutes went by in a whirl. Punches were thrown, kicks made and Cyclops joined. To help Logan, punch Logan or to break up the fight, it wasn't really clear. At first, Steve tried to keep peace but after being accidently knocked over by Colossus, things started to deteriorate. Files had been tossed around, stained with coffee as chairs were overturned and broken. Thor hit Logan on the back with a chair and knocked the mutant down. Just as Logan was getting to his knees, Thor lifted him up over his head. Cyclops had started to singe Tony's suit and Thor's cape in warning, all while Tony was squawking something about Fendi. Steve was trying to stop him but was being stopped by Colossus. Silently, Fury, Coulson and Charles appeared in the doorway. All looking very disappointed.

"I know you're not fighting before a fucking peace treaty signing," Fury's voice boomed, making everyone freeze. The scene before them was almost comical. On one side, the women of the groups were frowning at the massive display of testosterone while the men were tangled up in between punches. In a far corner, Storm was rubbing a soothing hand across Bruce's back as he kept his rage in check.

"Can someone please offer me an explanation?" Charles asked, voice tired. Suddenly, everyone started to talk at once. It was a loud mess and when it was apparent nothing useful would be easily gained from it, Charles turned towards Rogue. His expression quickly turned from weary to intrigue as he gave Rogue a look. The girl shrugged as if to say 'it's true'. Although Logan didn’t have perfect view of the interaction, he started to get a better idea as to why Charles had invited the young girl on the trip.

"What is going on here?" Fury asked, not liking that fact he didn't know why this ongoing projected was suddenly falling apart.

"It seems that there was a misunderstanding between Logan and a few of your agents. But it's nothing that can't be worked through, yes?" Charles stared pointedly at Logan in expectation but there was pleasant mirth in his eyes and mouth.

"Yeah," Logan agreed before falling with a thud when Thor begrudgingly let go. Ignoring the urge to stick his claws into the thunder god's foot, Logan decided to focus on the apology he was supposed to issue. "Darcy, sorry if I pissed ya off. Yer a lady, like thunderboy says. Shoulda treated ya like one."

"No big, weasel man," Darcy shrugged, taking her eyes off Clint's taught body only for a moment. He still looked ready to attack, his fists and jaw clenched. "Though you're helping me pick up and sort all these papers."

"Not your mess Darcy, just sit down," Coulson stated. He was using his 'that's final' voice so she took a seat next to Natasha without protesting. Rogue sat on her other side, sending a small smile towards Logan that said she just _knew_ he was a softie underneath it all. Resisting the urge to grumble, Logan helped pick up the mess and slowly the meeting started as if nothing happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this an appropriate time for a mic drop?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had one hell of a day. So here, have some angst.

And I'm ashamed of running away.  
From nothing real-  
I just can't deal with this,  
But I'm still afraid to be there  
Among your hounds of love  
And feel your arms surround me.  
I've always been a coward.  
I never know what's good for me. 

- _Hounds of Love_ , Kate Bush

 

>~~~~< 

Logan had just turned the street corner of the S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters entrance. Taking a moment to absorb the hot, muggy air and loud traffic of New York City, he was about to take out the cigar shop address when someone pulled violently on his sleeve. Calming the urge to react aggressively, Logan took a breath and turned to find Darcy staring at him angrily. A drawn out 'hey' was the only thing he could think of saying.

"What was that all about?" demanded Darcy, hands going to her hips and foot tapping expectantly.

"I wanted to get some good quality cigars. Ya gave me the address remember?" Logan tried to avoid the topic that he knew she wanted answers to. Knowing his game, Darcy just focused her glare.

"You know what I'm talking about. The meeting. What was all that about taking a ride on your motorcycle? Also, your pick up lines are lame. Work on that."

"Big bird was talkin’ ‘bout that blonde from the bar and how flexible she was. It was annoyin’ and I guess I wanted to...annoy him back?" Logan almost grimaced at how childish that sounded.

"Annoy him?" Darcy didn't sound convinced but she did wince a little when he mentioned the blonde. Beyond that, her glare didn't waver and it amazed Logan that the short, curvy brunette could make him feel a little like a naughty dog with its tail between its legs.

"I, well, ah, I was helpin’."

"Helping?"

"Yeah, we said we were gonna make him jealous."

"I thought it was obvious he didn't care about me like that. Making him jealous isn't going to work," insisted Darcy and Logan raised his brow at her.

"Either yer selectively blind or in complete denial. Ya say he's not crazy about ya? That kick to my face says otherwise. Look, ya can keep talking to me or ya can stop avoiding the talk you should be havin’." When Darcy didn't answer back right away, Logan decided he had made his point clear enough and turned in the direction he thought might take him to well made cigars.

"Logan!" Darcy called suddenly, causing Logan to turn around again. "Why? Why try to make him jealous again?"

The question made him stop and think. The answer wasn't an easy one because he wasn't sure why he had decided to meddle after he'd told himself he didn't care. He supposed he knew the answer but didn't want to admit it. Eventually, he sighed and explained the best he could.

"I could tell his heart wasn't in it when he was braggin'. Worth one more shot right? Then you can say ya tried instead of beatin' yer self over what if." Logan started to walk away but stopped with a second thought. "Oh and if I really wanted in yer pants, you wouldn't know that hit ya."

 

>~~~~< 

 

There is love in your body but you can't get it out-  
It gets stuck in your head, won't come out of your mouth,  
Sticks to your tongue and it shows on your face  
That the sweetest of words have the bitterest taste. 

(Darling heart, I loved you from the start,  
You'll never know what a fool I've been)

 

- _Hardest of Hearts_ , Florence + The Machine

 

>~~~~< 

Logan had been right. She didn't want to have this conversation and so she'd left it till the end of the day. Most everyone had gone home but as always, there were some stragglers and those unfortunate enough to have the night shifts.

When Darcy had finished all the work she could find, she sat at her desk, debating whether or not she should just go home and ignore what had happened. It was a steady pain but she thought she could live with it, just for a bit longer. At that thought, Logan's words about her denial started to haunt her. A burning sensation started to fill her chest. Biting the inside of her cheek and digging her nails into her palm, Darcy fought the urge to just leave. She couldn't keep doing this to herself. She knew that. Denial could only do so much for her and everything would inevitably end with her crashing in flames. Even if ignorance was bliss, she was ignoring the fact that she was hurting badly.

All Darcy wanted to do was hold Clint over her and pretend that the lack of intimacy wasn't killing her from the inside out. Why couldn't she be a big girl and accept the fact that he didn't love her- didn't _want_ her like she wanted him to?

The answer was simple. Even if she didn't want to see it because it made the situation more complicated than she wanted it to be. And it was because she knew that Clint wanted more too. He'd started to reach out, started to open up but then he got scared and shut her out. 

That was a hell of a lot more frightening to accept than him just not feeling anything deeper. Because it meant they both needed to work. Both of them needed to compromise or meet in the middle somewhere and that was scary, new territory. In her past relationships, Darcy had always been the giver. Giving her whole self in hopes that she'd be loved as completely and unconditionally as she dreamed that she was worthy of. Until she realised after a slew of cheating boyfriends leaving her for other less damaged women, that all she was getting by giving her self wholeheartedly was a whole bunch of heartache. Then she started to take without a care. She slept around more and she felt like she finally had control over her love life. Or at least what it had become. For once, she was calling all the shots. And for a while, she was fine with her one-night stands and she'd learn to take the walk of shame with pride. Yet, somewhere along the line with Clint, she found that one-night stands also had their problems. Maybe she was growing as a person.

After rearranging her desk supplies (which had an interesting Captain America and Thor motif with Iron Man occasionally thrown in), Darcy decided to woman up and find Clint. She ended up wandering until she found herself in the empty shooting range, watching Clint shoot round after round into targets.

"We need to talk," Darcy announced tentatively when Clint had finally lowered the gun and muffs.

"Not now," he warned, refusing to take his eyes off the still targets. His tone, dripping with condescension, set Darcy off. It was the tone of all the guys in the Engineering Department of Culver who had laughed to themselves when they thought they scared her off from the major. Everyone at SHIELD who didn't think she was fit for her job as Coulson's assistant. That whispered she slept her way to the top. Of her past boyfriends trying to explain why their cheating was completely justified. Because she didn't understand that sometimes you need to grasp love when it was right there in front of you in a slutty dress. Because she wasn't the one. She was never the one. She was never going to be the one.

In those two words, Darcy heard everyone who ever thought they knew better than her for whatever invalid reason and she decided that she was going to take charge. They were doing do this right here, right now.

"No. We're going to talk."

"Darcy, I said-"

"And _I_ said we're going to fucking talk, understand?" Darcy growled, leaving no room for negotiation. Clint spared a glance over his shoulder at her. There was something savage in his eyes but it flickered out with a sigh when he realised she wasn't going to leave until she got what she wanted.

"Fine," he gave in. He started to take apart and clean his gun. His attempts at stalling didn't budge Darcy. When he finally was satisfied and turned to look at her, someone else entered the shooting range. The junior agent nodded towards them before taking up his own space on the far end. It probably looked like Darcy was trying to wrangle paper work from Clint as opposed to two almost lovers having a fight.

"C'mon," grunted Clint, leading Darcy out of the range towards the sparring rooms. They continued to walk until they came to an old storage closet. Opening the door and turning on the harsh fluorescent lighting, Clint gestured into the small pace with sarcastic bravado. Ignoring his general douchery, Darcy walked in with her head high. Clint followed and for the first minute, they stood in painful silence, looking anywhere but at each other.

"So? You wanted to talk. Here we are-"

"You hit Logan," Darcy stated simply. They danced around this long enough. 

"Yeah?" sneered Clint, looking at Darcy's face but not meeting her eyes.

"Why?"

"I don't know," Clint mumbled, shifting from foot to foot uncomfortably.

"Were you jealous?" Darcy tried, frustration growing at his attempts to avoid any real conversation.

"Jealous?" scoffed Clint a little too dramatically before letting rage take over. "Why the hell would I be jealous? You can go fuck him as many times as you want. Let him touch you in front of everyone. Why should I care?" 

"Clint, what are we?" Darcy asked suddenly, catching them both off guard. For a short moment, panic and pain flashed in Clint's eyes but he looked away to collect himself. When Clint turned back, something icy and empty shined in his eyes, making Darcy sick to her stomach.

"We're fucking," insisted Clint, finally looking Darcy in the eye. "We agreed, just fucking. If you can't handle that then...find someone else."

"Just fucking?" Darcy breathed, refusing to believe it. Knowing in her heart it wasn't true. "All this, it's just fucking to you? That night in Detroit, it wasn't anything more?" Questioned Darcy, referring to the day they both were almost shot and he'd taken so much care with her. That night he handled her like she was precious. 

"What? That- that was nothing. Why would you think it meant more? I needed a lay and you were there."

"Y-you, but I thought. I thought we were moving towards something."

"We agreed that this wasn't going to be anything more than two people helping each other out. Feelings weren't apart of that deal," Clint said frustrated. Though it sounded more like he was frustrated with himself. He ran a hand through his hair and looked Darcy dead in the eye. The stare was calculating, trying to take her down like she was just another target. "I knew I shouldn't have fucked you more than once."

"Excuse me?" Every messy break up she went through didn't prepare her to hear that. She'd been hurt before but this was the first time it felt like her heart was physically breaking in two. She wanted to hate Clint for want he was saying but she couldn't find any rage left in all the despair.  

"Look Darcy, you're a pretty girl, great tits and all. You're fun in bed but we've been running on empty for a while. We both know that. Because this," Clint gestured roughly between him and Darcy, "this is nothing to me. It wasn't anything other than me being too lazy to find someone else to fuck when something easier was right there."

"You're a liar," Darcy whispered, after she let some of his words sink in. It wasn't true. It couldn't be true. Everything was swirling out of control and she felt dizzy.

"We're both each other's second option. No point in denying it," shrugged Clint, starting to avoid Darcy's gaze again. He was getting fidgety, like a tiger in a cage wanting to pace but not given the room. In a few well-selected words, he started to become the one thing she feared. He was turning into every one of her exes and a reminder that she was just going to keep making the same mistakes.

"So, I'm a filler for you? That it?" Darcy asked, voice rising.

"I'm not Captain America Darce, and you're not my dream girl. It's not a big deal," his tone was dismissive.

"No, it is. It is a big deal. I don't want to be with Steve. I want to be with you," begged Darcy, hating herself for sounding so pathetic and having lost control so easily. She didn't know how to make Clint understand that of all the men she knew, she was willing to let him in. To deal with all the emotional bullshit and to compromise and to be an adult.

"I've seen the way you look at him-"

"Don't tell me how I feel and who I feel it for," shouted Darcy, angry at the implication that Clint was anything but the one she wanted.

"Then don't tell me how _I_ feel," Clint shouted right back. The sudden rage made her jump in surprise and she tried not to flinch when he took a step towards her so they were only a couple inches apart. "Don't tell me how I feel Darcy and I won't tell you how you feel. Because I feel nothing for you."

He held his sneer in place as they stared at each other, daring the other to break eye contact first. Something had to give but Darcy wasn't sure what she was waiting for. Then Clint leaned in a fraction more and accidently let his eyes slip longingly towards her lips. A painful lump formed in her throat and Darcy wanted to know why she no one ever _let_ her be the one. She felt like vomiting from all the spinning she hadn't even done. Then cry because she wanted to kiss him too. Despite everything he'd said, she still couldn't hate him and that made her hate herself. Instead, Darcy unsuccessfully fought off the tears welling in her eyes and slapped Clint hard across the cheek.

" _Liar_ ," Darcy hissed, voice breaking and a few tears falling. Taking one last look at Clint holding his cheek in guilt, she reached for the door and slammed it behind her. Trying her best to collect herself, Darcy swiftly moved away from the closet. She refused to stop when she heard a loud ' _fuck_ ' escape from the closet, along with a thud, more colourful words and items crashing. Darcy wiped away her tears and stormed back to her desk to collect her things before she left. She finally stopped when there was a creeping pain in her uterus. Great, just what she needed to top off this fucking wonderful day. Cramps. Feeling resentful towards her traitor of a body in addition to everything else, Darcy sniffled as she willed all her tears to just evaporate.

Once at Coulson's office, she noticed that he had already left but left one light on for when she came back for her things. The simple act of kindness touched her heart and she wished she could stop the realisations of how much she yearned for unconditional caring. Trying to go back to ignoring her feelings but failing, she tossed her stuff back into her purse and briefcase. Darcy almost wished she hadn't finish the X-Men incident report. It would have helped keep her mind off of things that night. The reminder of Logan made Darcy's chest hurt again. As sweet as his intentions originally were, it just served as a reminder to why she needed to stop deluding herself into thinking that she'd have some semblance of a normal life. That a man, no matter how fucked up he may be, would be willing to look past how fucked up she was and want her despite it or maybe even partly for it. But life was shit and fairy tale endings weren't going to happen to her. Even if she worked with a bunch of super heroes.

She'd have to ask her dad to sue Disney for making her expect a happy ending. There was a reason why Darcy didn't like to let people in so deep. It was because they always knowingly crushed her heart and she thought she'd learned a long time ago that it was best to leave them before they left her.

Darcy was so busy trying to not think about the double blow of her uterus and her heartache that she almost missed the small Captain America tin her little Captain America plush doll was now sitting on. Picking up the tin, Darcy smiled when she saw the patriotic looking Captain standing tall and proud. She wished she could put on a facade as easily as Steve did when he needed to face adversity. His life wasn't perfect either but Darcy admired how he somehow picked himself up at the end of the day and went on. 

When she opened up the tin, the beautiful smell of dark chocolate bonbons filled her nostrils and Darcy blessed Phil. It would be a much more creepy fact that Coulson had her cycle in his calendar if he didn't use that information to make sure she was stocked with Captain America themed candy at the appropriate times. It was a way to help quell her general psychotic nature around this time of the month. Not that she was completely crazy but after she tasered an agent for suggesting her complaints about her cramps and moodiness were all in her head, Coulson decided that it was best to try and keep her distracted with Captain America memorabilia and chocolate. Popping a bonbon in her mouth and she packed the rest away in her desk because it was definitely going to be a 'eat loads of chocolate at work' week.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for your lovely comments. They've got me through some tough days this past week and even if I'm not the best at replying, I love them all.  
> I know some of you want some Clint POV and unfortunately, there isn’t any planned in this fic as it was all pretty much prewritten. But here, have some lyrics in his POV!  
> And there may be some of his POV in a different fic of this series though since you guys seem to call for it.

 

Never was much of a romantic,  
I could never take the intimacy.  
And I know I did damage,  
Because the look in your eyes is killin’ me.  
I’m guessing you’re at an advantage  
Because you could blame me for everything…  
And I don't know where I'ma manage  
If one day you just up and leave.  

Baby, I got a plan-  
Run away fast as you can.

 

- _Runaway_ , Kanye West feat Pusha T

  
**> ~~~~<** 

 

After a quick stop to stock up on junk food, ice cream and booze, Darcy eventually found herself back in her apartment. She let out a shuddering breath, feeling like she could breath for the first time that day after witnessing Clint's jealous rage. No matter what he wrote it off as because they both knew that he had been jealous.

The songs switched on her 'Heartbreak Hotel' playlist and Amy Winehouse's _Love Is A Losing Game_ started to play. Before she knew what was happening, a sob left her lips and she spent the next ten minutes just crying, leaning against her front door as sad songs pumped through her headphones. It was cathartic, exhausting and relaxing all at once. With every salty, black tear, she felt as if she was that tiny bit closer to accepting the fact that Clint just wasn't capable of giving her what she needed. Nor was she able to give him a fraction of what he seemed to need. She still wasn't close to accepting it all but she knew it would take baby steps. The first step: pity party.

'He didn't see you beyond anything than big tits and a fun fuck' Darcy told her self, causing the tears to spill with a renewed energy. She wanted to be ignorant again. Any hope she felt at seeing Clint lunging towards Logan was crushed back down because the only thing she could do at this point was just get over it. Peeling off her heels and unzipping her tight skirt, Darcy couldn't help but feel like a silly little girl playing dress up. Who was she fooling? Behind the make up, hair mousse, tight outfits and killer heels, all she was in the end was a girl way out of her league. The problem wasn't that Darcy wasn't a catch (hell, she was kind of awesome in a modern bohemian sort of way if she said so herself) but competition in SHIELD to hold the title of All Round Amazeballs was tough. With women like Maria Hill and Natasha around being all sexy and super BAMFs, did she really think she could keep someone like Clint? He'd want to settle with a woman who could be right in the middle of action, shoot the bad guys, still look amazing after all of it and be up for cardiac arrest inducing sex all night. It was the most rational choice for him.

While Darcy was all for heart palpitation causing sex, Darcy wasn't the ideal person to send into battle. Sure, Great Aunt Peggy had taught her how to shoot a handgun when she was growing up so she hold her own but she was still a 'civilian' in many aspects. She wasn’t the best in high adrenaline situations. Reaching Coulsen level would take many years (assuming she was still working for SHIELD). She completed all the mandatory basic level training but when shit hit that fan, she still needed a bit of saving. When all Clint seemed to be doing nowadays was save others, it made sense that he'd want a woman who could save herself. At least from the massive amount of danger that SHIELD threw at them. Her job had become a double edge sword of confidence and uncertainty in many aspects of her life. Self-esteem included. 

Darcy opened the bottle of wine she bought and took a long sip, deciding it was time to heal. A hot bubble bath was taken as the last of her playlist played out and the final tears cleaned her tear ducts for the night. Her favourite pink cupcake tank top was thrown on with her grey Culver sweatpants and Captain America sweater. It made her feel like a superhero. Sort of.

Thus began the stress-eating portion of the night. After the sad reminder that she needed to do her dishes and therefore all her spoons were dirty, Darcy pulled out a ladle and decided to use it eat her ice cream with. Class all the way.

Some Lifetime movie played in the background as Darcy drank, ate and started a list of all the reasons why Clint was an ass that should be easily forgotten. As the alcohol started to work its black voodoo magic, another list of why Clint was hot was created. Messily scrawled lists were eventually haphazardly thrown around her that said why Darcy should try being a lesbian again (preferably with Natasha) to which songs best summed her life to why she and her dad should try recording a Christmas CD to quitting SHIELD. 

The mouthy blonde onscreen suddenly drew Darcy's attention to the mentally unhealthy task at hand and she decided to once again disregard her confidentiality clause and call up her best friend, Tammi Rae Harris. It wasn't like Darcy was telling Tammi big government secrets, just general work gossip. Anyway, the other girl knew practically everything about Darcy, even that she was Tony's daughter. There was no way Darcy was _not_ going to tell her best friend of of about 12 years that she interacted with Captain America and a freaking Norse God on a regular basis. Also, Coulson had suggested (AKA commanded with strategic pauses) that she refrain from too much 'water cooler talk' at work to uphold a standard. Even though he totally gossiped like a little old woman with Natasha. Jane wasn't much for gossip so there really was no one else Darcy could talk to. She had a JARVIS JR program on her computer though that always scrambled any outgoing and incoming messages to anyone trying to tap into them so she didn’t think too much on it nowadays.

After Skype played its jolly ring tone a few times, Tammi's face popped up on Darcy's screen and she felt just that bit better all ready. From the small screen, Darcy could tell that Tammi was using her phone but it didn't dim the bright smile from the blonde.

"Darcy! What's new? I miss you!" Tammi exclaimed, her Texas accent bleeding through in her excitement. After a moment though, she took in Darcy's face. "Uh oh, what's wrong? Pushed the wrong button at work? Did you start a nuclear war? Are we all gonna die?" She gasped dramatically.

"No," Darcy gave a tired laugh. "Just guy trouble."

"Oh, I'm sorry-"

"Is Captain America gay? Because then you'd owe me money," the dark face of Naveen Singh, Tammi's boyfriend and Darcy's best friend from Culver, pushed his girlfriend out of focus. Despite his annoying attempt at yet another Captain America joke whenever they started a conversation, Darcy found his British-Indian accent almost as comforting as Tammi's Texan accent. 

"No, he's not. Don't make me start on my long list of Star Trek jokes either. This is about another guy. The emotional idiot that I've been having loads of sex with."

"Ah, I'll be going back to the kitchen then and leave you two," Naveen frowned, knowing when to leave the two girls alone. "If you need anyone beat up...you know to ask Tammi."

"Am I ruining your dinner?"

"Course not, you know I'd rather be eating with you than Naveen," Tammi promised and an indignant scoff was heard from far off. She shouted to her boyfriend sweetly, "but Naveen's cooking is amazing!"

"How was the fourth?"

"Great. Went to the ranch, you know how dad thinks that you can only appreciate fireworks in Texas. Oh, and Naveen taught my father and brother how to play cricket. My dad's really into it now. Bought the bats and everything."

"You mean your dad _didn't_ fall asleep when he started to explain it?"

"No, that's just you two uncultured slobs. Now stop stalling Lewis and tell us about your sordid New York City love affairs," Naveen called from the kitchen.

"He's right, you're stalling," frowned Tammi. Sighing, Darcy turned off the TV and brought up some her lists to flash in front of the camera. Tammi's frown deepened and her eyes shined with sympathy and understanding.

"Oh sweetie, you started making lists again? I thought we agreed that you make the 'he's an asshole' list and then you stop!"

"I know but, Tammi..." Darcy bit her lip and thought about what she had told Tammi thus far about Clint. Bro, hot, snarky, badass, funny and very good with his tongue. She hadn't talked to Tammi for a month and even before then, had been avoiding her real feelings towards Clint.

"But?" prompted Tammi.

"I think I love him." 

In the distance, what sounded like a frying pan clanging on tile was heard. Silence followed as Darcy worriedly studied the open mouth from her best friend.

"Wha- when did that happen?" Tammi asked, eyes wide in shock.

"I don't know, a month or two ago. I didn't really say anything because I tried not to think too much about it. Tammi," Darcy sniffed, feeling another wave of tears forming and cursing herself for another relapse, "Tammi I think I love him and he doesn't want me. I thought he felt something but...he, he had sex with someone else yesterday. Right after he had sex with me! And today, we talked and he said I was just a fuck and that he wished he hadn't fucked me more than once and I don't know what to do. I love him so much Tammi and I don't know what to do. The first guy I love in since junior year and he hurt me. He wanted to hurt me too."

"What do you mean? You sure he meant to hurt you?"

"Yes," sobbed Darcy, wiping her nose with her sleeve. "I think. I don't know anymore. I mean, we were fighting over this guy I was dancing with yesterday. He was visiting with a few other people for some work stuff. At first Clint ignored us and just went some with some other girl and he bragged to all the guys this morning about how awesome in bed she was. Then Logan, the guy, started to hit on me in front of everyone and Clint kicked him in the face then there was this huge fight between everyone. I almost thought everything wasn't going to work out work wise and it would have been all my fault. And now my period’s starting and I feel horrible."

"Wait, so Clint beat someone up because they were hitting on you? But that means he likes you, doesn't it?"

"It doesn't matter anymore. He...he said horrible things. Like how he was using me because he was too lazy to find someone else to fuck. I'm not good enough for him. It doesn't matter if he likes me or not because he knows he can do better. I'm such an idiot."

"No you're not." There wasn't much Tammi could do from San Jose and it obviously drove her crazy that she couldn't engulf Darcy in a hug.

" _Yes_ , I am. There's no way we would have worked out and I knew that at the beginning but I still fell for him. I'm an idiot. I didn't even mean to do it but I did! It's so obvious that he wouldn't ever think more of me than a fuck. I've told you about the women who work with him. How could I think I could ever compete-"

"Don't do this to yourself. It's not your fault so stop telling yourself it is," Tammi ordered firmly. "You're amazing. I don't care what those other women may be able to do but you're ten times better than them. You're special. You're the one who stepped in and told all those assholes to suck it on our first day of middle school when they were making fun of my accent. It was your first time at a real school and you didn't even know who I was but you just told them to leave me alone."

"And you cursed out those racist bastards who were calling me a terrorist, freshman year," Naveen cut in, articulating towards the phone camera with a spatula.

"Yeah, you may have gone out with some jerkwads but don't let that get you down. You're awesome. Who else could land a super secret job right out of college?”

"I was hired because my boss is as obsessed with Captain America as I am," Darcy pointed out, though she was preening slightly at the words of her two friends.

"You know that's not the only reason. If you weren't good enough then you wouldn't of been hired. I know you're hurting now but you'll get over this guy. And you'll find someone who's even better and loves you and isn't afraid to show it." 

"You could do much better," Naveen agreed. "And you deserve better. Sure this guy is some super sex spy or something but he still sounds like a douche bag. At the end of the day, you have the moral high ground. Or something. You're better than him. I don't care what he may do for a living."

"Thanks guys," Darcy said, wiping away what she promised herself were the last tears for the next few days. Their words made her feel better even if she didn't believe all of them. It was just nice to have someone say them.  

"Any time. Now, I'm going to get on my computer to Skype and we're gonna watch some Buffy and feel like badasses. Then we'll watch _Moulin Rouge,_ sing to all the songs and will your real life Ewan McGregor to appear," said Tammi, listing out their general 'feel bad' go tos that had started when they were in middle school.

"I wish you were here," Darcy admitted.

"I wish I was too. Then I could beat up Clint for you," pouted Tammi before changing her mind. "No, I wish you were here with me."

"You're all tough talk but when it comes down to it, I need to do all the dirty work," teased Darcy, smiling and glad that it wasn't forced. At this point, Naveen had gone back to check on the dinner he was cooking. Pausing to think, Darcy stopped Tammi from switching devices for a moment longer. 

"Tammi, when did you know? I mean, you were dating that frat guy- Jake or something when you first met Naveen. How did you know that you really cared about him? That you were going to leave your boyfriend for Naveen? That Naveen was right for you?" asked Darcy, hoping that the answer would help her put her own feelings for Clint in better perspective. Tammi thought for a moment until she had a cheesy smile on her face.

"I didn't know that things were going to work out with him at first. But, I guess I think the first time I thought I might have loved Naveen...it was when I was visiting you at Culver for the fifth time or something after meeting Naveen the first time. We'd talked a lot on the phone by that point but he took us to this engineering party or something at his dorm. He got drunk and made them play that Nelly and Kelly Rowland song- _Dilemma_. He started to rap and I just though that…no guy I ever dated would make a fool of himself because he liked me so much. Everyone was laughing but I thought it was the sweetest thing anyone had done. Then Naveen started to sing the Kelly part in a high voice. I think that's the first time I felt love for him. Like really feeling it."

"You broke up with Jake the next day on the phone," Darcy remembered the incident but never fully connected the two events. At least not at the emotional level that it had apparently affected her best friend.

"Yeah. Don't rush it Darcy. You'll find the guy who sings like a drunk fool for you," promised Tammi and Darcy was going to hold her friend to that.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed Tammi and Naveen. They're like my version of Ethel and Fred but less slapstick. Kudos to those who know that reference.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter after this one. Hope you guys can find it in your hearts to start to forgive Clint.

The weight of the world,  
And the hurt and the dirt  
Can make you disturbed.  
But I heard, but I heard-  
When I wrap my arms around you,  
Every mistake we make crumbles.  
When I wrap my arms around you,  
Everything echoes a new song.

 

- _To Be Surprised_ , Sondre Lerche

 

**> ~~~~< **

 

When 1 AM rolled around, Darcy was thoroughly enjoying her Ewan McGregor gazing. She and Tammi were singing along passionately to _El Tango de Roxanne_ when her buzzer started to go off rather incessantly. What started out as a few pushes of the button become a long, drawn out buzz.

"Ugh, it's some drunk trying to buzz up to their apartment because they can't find their keys. It happens sometimes," Darcy explained to Tammi. "They think they're waking up their roommate and won't stop until they argue with me."

"Do I get to see you go all New York angry Darcy on them? I love it when I get to see that. You're like Buffy."

"You know how I get when my hot, sensitive man watching is interrupted."

"Yay!" Tammi cheered jokingly, as Darcy picked up the laptop with one hand and headed over to her intercom.  

"Wrong apartment," Darcy angrily announced into the speaker, pushing the listen button to hear the excuse this time. 

"Baby, let me up," a voice that was unmistakable begged and Darcy felt her heart try to leap out of her chest but her ribcage kept it trapped. She almost dropped the laptop.

"It's Clint."

"What?" asked Tammi, genuinely confused.

Darcy wasn't ready to see Clint right now. She'd just started to feel better that night. Honestly, she didn't think she'd be ready to see him tomorrow at HQ either but at least she could try to be professional about it. At the current moment she didn't even have the buffer of looking awesome in her form fitting work clothes. There was a fresh pain in her gut that wasn't at all to do with cramps. Darcy looked back at the screen and saw Tammi's fury filled face.

"I will fill his ass with buck shot."

"You have some nerve. Really Clint? A booty call?" Darcy shouted into the intercom, hoping her voice didn't waver too much. 

"No, baby, just- just let me up."

"Go to hell."

"Let me in! Ima blow your mind baby. It's gonna be beautiful," Clint assured and she slowly realised that his words were slurred.

"He's drunk, I need to let him in. To order a cab at least, I can't have him roaming around like this. My boss wouldn't be happy if I didn't try and help," Darcy reasoned to Tammi but it was more for her own sake. It would be irresponsible to let a drunk Avenger wander around New York (and not at all because she still wanted to see him, even if he was a tool).

"Fine," growled Tammi, "But stand firm and call me right after you deal with him, promise?"

"I will," assured Darcy before closing the lid of her laptop and setting it aside. During that short exchange, Clint had not let off on the buzzer. It stopped once she pressed the button that opened the front door. She hurried around nervously; trying to clean up a bit and quickly brushed her teeth so her breath wasn't too rank. All the while hating herself for still wanting to leave some sort of impression. After what she knew took much longer than it should to reach her door, there was a loud pounding and a drunken archer's voice demanding he be let in. Taking a deep breath, Darcy opened the door and almost didn't have time to avoid Clint falling into the apartment.

"God damn it!" he cursed, trying to stand up but only swaying more dangerously. Darcy tried to help him up and ended up having Clint draped over her, making her body shake at the effort to take his weight. For some reason, he had his quiver and bow on him. The bow was snug around his chest but was pinching rather painfully against Darcy. 

"How drunk are you?"

"Pff, not drunk. Ho-who, how could you say that?" Clint insisted and Darcy got a whiff of the alcohol on his breath. Resigned to the fact that her life sucked, Darcy was able to get the door closed and Clint back to leaning against it.

"Well, you're not sober. Why are you here ruining my evening with Ewan McGregor?" Darcy tried to joke, knowing the humour would go over the drunk man's head but hoping it would make her feel like she had a little bit of control in the situation. At the name, Clint stared at her in anger before stalking around the living room.

"Who the fuck is Ewan? I will fuck him up," raved Clint, looking very much like he had that morning. His fists were balled up and his jaw clenched dangerously.

"No, Clint, stop. It was a joke. Calm down."

"Don't care who the fuck that asshole thinks he is," Clint was practically snarling now and Darcy couldn't help step back as his tirade took a more violent edge. "I'll take down Ewan. Fuck, I'll take down Logan again. I'll kill him for touching you."

"Oh? And why is that?" asked Darcy, feeling her own anger rise at his audacity. Who the hell did he think he was to decide who was allowed to touch her, especially now? The fucking nerve he had. She crossed her arms as she waited for the answer. For some reason, Clint just stared at her. Before Darcy could throw that he never took Logan down in the first place, the archer took a deep breath. 

"Cause you're mine. No one's allowed but me. No one can touch you but me," Clint explained slowly with conviction but his anger was slowly drowned out by a look of sadness. Just as Darcy felt her chest constrict painfully, Clint moved towards her to wrap his arms around her waist and lay his head in the crook of her neck. She tried to shift around so his bow didn't poke her too much. Noticing her discomfort, he took the time to remove the bow from around his chest and put it on the couch before resuming his position. 

"Clint, what-"

"Shhh baby," he smashed a finger messily on her lips to stop her from talking. "I'm sorry. Fuck. I fuck up with women. They leave me. Words. I- I can't. Words suck. And they hate me. They leave me. Words and women. Please don't hate me. I can't live if you hate me. Do you hate me?"

"No, I don't hate you. I'm pissed off. But I don't hate you. Besides, I'm not your girlfriend so why does it matter?" Darcy asked and cursed herself as a few tears fell. Her throat tightened and she wasn't sure if she would be able to speak now.

"Stop, no crying," Clint commanded, wiping away the tears that were now freely spilling with his fingers. When they still fell, he decided to try and kiss them away. Feeling his soft kisses all over her face made the crying even worse. Darcy hated that even though he was touching her, it still felt like he wasn't there.

"Why? You don't want me."

"What? I do! I want you so bad," promised Clint, pushing her up against the back of the couch and wiggling his way between her legs.

"Wanting to fuck me doesn't count."

"No, no fucking. Darcy. God you're so beautiful," Clint insisted, suddenly mesmerised by her facial features. It wasn't clear what he was looking for but he slowly traced her cheeks with the pads of his thumbs. Despite her heart pounding like a crazed hummingbird in her chest, Darcy thought bitterly about the situation. He was only saying these things because he was drunk and didn't know what was coming out of his mouth now. That was the only explanation.

"Babe, I can show you. I wanna make love to you," declared Clint. Clumsily, he pulled her even closer, latching his mouth onto her neck and massaging one of her breasts.

"Clint, stop it, you're drunk. You don't know what you want."

The rational thing to do was move away, to try and get out of his hold. But some traitorous part kept her still and made her lean in slightly into his hold. Even messy and smelling of alcohol, Darcy still wanted him. Damn it.

"I want you, only you."

"And that girl at the bar?"

"What girl?" Clint asked into her neck and Darcy pushed him away so he at least looked at her face.

"The blonde one at O'Conners yesterday. You walked out with her and said later that she was really bendy in bed? Lo- someone told me."

"No blonde," insisted Clint as he dug his nose into Darcy's still slightly damp hair and inhaled deeply, nuzzling contently.

"Yes blonde. You slept with her Clint. After you slept with me and now you want to jump back on the Darcy train? Well it's left the station."

"Train? I don't need a train. I'm right here."

"God, never mind. I don't care who you sleep with. You're just a fuck to me so you can fuck who you what and I'll fuck who I want." The words felt bitter in her mouth and the look Clint gave her made bile well in the back of her throat. A watery sheen covered his eyes as devastation filled his face. His whole body slumped and he released his grip on her, stepping back like he'd been burned.

"You, I- what?"

"Don't act like it matters. You said the same thing to me," even though she tried her best, her voice was still shaky at the statement. Why couldn't she hurt him as easily as he hurt her? She deserved that little bit of satisfaction but this was only making her feel worse.

"No, I didn't-"

"Yes you did Clint. Don't lie. You fucked me, took another girl home and then you told me that I didn't matter to you."

"But you do! Fuck. I didn't sleep with anyone else!" Clint was shouting frantically, wanting so desperately to make her understand. Suddenly, he broke off and grabbed his head with his hands and thought hard. "I, there, uh. I took off my clothes. But. But I couldn't. It hurt! You hurt me and I wanted to hurt you. But I couldn't touch her without you in my fucking head. It hurt so much I wanted to rip out my heart."

"What?" A small seed of hope burrowed into her mind and she couldn't dig it out.   

"I was scared Darcy. I was scared and I ran away. But I'm here. I'm here now," Clint admitted, shrugging helplessly. He looked exhausted all of a sudden.

"You...didn't sleep with her because you couldn't stop thinking about me?" Darcy risked a step towards him.

"All the girls in the world and I only wanna be in your legs. Fuck, just let me show you. All night."

"Wow, you are a charmer, you know?" She rolled her eyes at the shift in sentiment but there was a hint of fondness in her voice.

 "Even had a stacked blondie downstairs invite me in- she totally wanted me. But I just wanted to see you. I missed you so much."

"That may have been Dave. He does some drag shows. Also makes awesome margaritas," explained Darcy, running a soft hand through Clint's hair and he all put purred at the touch. Dave was two floors down from Darcy and he had a tendency to invite who ever walked by in for a drink, fuck or both, depending on what they looked like. Biting her lip to hold in a small laugh, Darcy felt her face soften at Clint's confused expression when he couldn't work out why the pretty neighbour was named Dave.

"Huh?"

"Okay. Let's get you to bed. I don't trust you going home on your own. But first some water."

"Finally," sighed Clint in relief. He let go of Darcy, dumping his quiver onto her couch next to the bow. Suppressing another laugh, Darcy went into the kitchen nook and brought out a large glass and filter pitcher of water. When she came back into the living room, she was surprised to find Clint with his shirt off and concentrating hard to undo his belt. It was then Darcy realised he was seriously attempting to go through with his drunken declarations.

"No, as much as I'd love to have sex right now, which is a completely horrible idea by the way, I don't think you're capable of it," Darcy handed him a full glass and Clint downed it without question before returning the glass and continuing to disrobe.

"That's right. Not sex, love. We're gonna make _love_ ," Clint continued to ramble as he took off his boots, quickly followed by his pants. "Get ready baby, I'ma make sweet, sweet love to you. I will rock your world."

"Really? Well I look forward to that," Darcy deadpanned but the tone wasn't caught by Clint.

"Sexual healing. I got that feelin'. Right here, right now." He grinned at her from his position by the couch, now only wearing his socks and boxer briefs. Then he broke out into a pretty bad impression of Marvin Gaye. "Ooh! Babe! I'm hot like an oven! I need your _looovin_ '! Let's make love tonight because you do it so fuckin' right!"

"Oh, good, you're doing that now," Darcy cringed at Clint's butchering of the song. When she thought that one day someone would serenade her, a drunk Clint Barton half singing, half shouting _Sexual Healing_ was not what she had in mind. She hated that this was kind of funny. A snort left her nose when she saw the pout that Clint gave his socks, apparently unwilling to stretch over or bring his foot closer so he could take them off. 

"Darcy, could you love a man wearing only socks?"

"I already do," Darcy whispered to herself. Closing her eyes, she tried to get her emotions in check but was not doing a good job of it. The lump was back in her throat and she was pretty sure it was actually her heart. Trying to ignore it, Darcy poured another glass and handed it over.

"Could you?" Clint begged, not hearing her whispered answer. His eyes grew big and he looked like a child who'd been told that there was no magic in the world. The effect was only helped with his clutching of the glass. It made Darcy's chest clench and she wished so badly that she could be sure what he was saying was all real. That she could trust it and trust that his claiming that he cared meant he did. The hope was blossoming but she was still skeptical. She had to be if she wanted to protect her heart.

"Clint, tomorrow morning you're buying me breakfast," Darcy put down the pitcher and started to turn off the TV and the lights, taking a quick second to send a text to Tammi saying she would explain everything later. Darcy took the half full glass from Clint and dragged him towards her bed. She didn't want to deal with the reality of their relationship, if there was any left. Whoever said to never go to bed upset obviously didn't know how much hindsight one could gain with a plate of chocolate chip and pecan waffles. There was no way they could work anything out when without some rest.

"Now sleep, we can figure this out over breakfast."

"But love making-"

"Can wait," promised Darcy, pushing Clint over so he fell face first into her bed. After some undignified wiggling that only added to the long blackmailing list, he was finally under the covers. Lifting the sheet in the empty space next to him, Clint patted on the area to tempt Darcy in. For a few moments Darcy wondered if she should have just left him on the couch. Dragging Clint to bed was such a habit and she wasn't sure if she had thought this plan through. Sleeping next to the man she couldn't have was one hundred times worse than just thinking about how she couldn't have him. Still, he seemed so eager and sincere. If growing up with Tony taught Darcy anything, it was learning to read the drunk. Somethings they said didn't make sense, other things were pure truth and everything was exaggerated.

Before she could make up her mind, Clint made it for her and pulled her arm so she fell into the space next to him. Ignoring her protests, he pulled Darcy in close and held her like a beloved childhood teddy bear.

"Don't ever leave," he mumbled before starting to breath heavily and steadily. Letting some hope fly back into her heart, Darcy threaded a slow hand through the sleeping archer's hair and reveled in the physical and emotional warmth he gave her.

"Don't fuck this up again Clint," Darcy begged before she finally let sleep claim her. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope the ending lives up to expectations (even though I know some people may have wanted more blood on Clint's part). I do plan on posting other stories in this verse so keep a look out.

  

Tonight with words unspoken,  
You say that I'm the only one.  
But will my heart be broken  
When the night meets the morning sun? 

I'd like to know that your love,  
Is one that I can be sure of.  
So tell me now and I won't ask again-  
Will you still love me tomorrow? 

- _Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow_? The Shirelles

 

 

 

**> ~~~~< **

Saturday morning sunrays streamed through the cracks in the blinds to tease Darcy back to consciousness, as stubborn as she was. The sound of a running shower joined and she realised that she was alone in her bed. While waking up with Clint sprawled on top of her an hour earlier to pee wasn’t the most comfortable either, any small movement he made to try and hold onto her tighter when she moved had been soothing. When Clint was sleeping, it was reassuring to see that the night before hadn't been a dream and the hope had bloomed in her chest. But now they were both awake and Darcy didn't know where that left them. Also, she needed to be at her desk in a few hours because SHIELD didn't fully understand the meaning of weekend. That meant going back to putting on the masks of Coulson's assistant and Avenging Hawkeye. Reality was a bitch. 

The squeak of taps turning off dragged Darcy from her fantasies of falling back asleep and seeing if junior agents would burst down her door again like the first time she had slept through all her snooze alarms. Deciding to be a good little adult, Darcy dragged her ass out of bed and towards the bathroom. She was greeted by a damp Clint, clad in nothing but a towel.

"Uh, sorry, I grabbed an extra towel...I should of asked," Clint admitted, unsure if a reprimand concerning his actions with towels or alcohol was to follow. It was strange to see him so hesitant. It wasn't a good look on him, in Darcy's opinion and was enough to distract her from the beads of water still clinging to the place where neck met shoulder.

"No, it's fine. I was just about to take one too. A shower I mean. How...how are you feeling?" asked Darcy, fighting the urge to vomit even though she didn’t drink all that much last night.

"Threw up earlier, still have a slight headache but not as bad if you hadn't made me drink water. Thanks by the way. For last night. Letting me stay," the answer was slow and Darcy found herself listening more to what Clint wasn't saying in his pauses. She couldn't make it out but she could tell that out of the whole night, the one thing he sure did remember was their conversation.

"Of course," Darcy said, feeling like her whole body was awkward and ungraceful. There was an uncomfortable tightness between her shoulder blades that she wanted to go away but persisted, like a demon clinging to her back.  

"I should...let you get to- yeah." Rather defeated at his own ineptitude and lack of vocabulary, Clint stepped aside to let Darcy into the bathroom. She took the easy way out and decided that her morning grooming rituals would maybe give him enough time to leave so they wouldn’t actually have to have this conversation. Darcy wasn’t entirely sure what the conversation would consist of. Things felt so broken and fractured between them, Darcy wasn't sure where to begin. She knew she still cared about Clint deeply- loved him even. It just didn't seem like the best place to start. Though if Clint's behavior was any indication, Darcy doubted that she'd have to have the conversation because he probably planned on splitting while she was in the bathroom. They could pretend that nothing ever happened and hide behind work.

Which was why Darcy was shocked after dressing to find Clint sitting on her couch. It was even more shocking to realise he had a frown as he read one of her lists from last night.

"You're still here. I thought you were just gonna to leave," admitted Darcy, wondering how smooth she could try to be while simultaneously plucking the list out of his grip. Not very much she decided when he saw what she was trying to do and pulled it just out of her reach.

"You, ah, made me promise to buy you breakfast? Right?" Clint's frown deepened and he became serious, waving the list around and she saw it was her ‘why I should have joined the Peace Corps instead’ list. "Are you going to leave SHIELD?"

"What? No, just, give me that," Darcy walked over and crumpled up the list, taking a quick look around to see if any of her other lists were out in the open then rambling. "I was drinking, it's nothing. I love my job. It's not your problem." God, she hoped he didn't find the 'why Clint is hawt’ list.  

“It is,” pushed Clint. “If I made you feel that way, made you feel like you weren't good enough for your job then-”

"Clint. Stop. Yeah I wanted to join the Peace Corps after college but it’s not like they’ll accept me now with SHIELD on my file. And I don’t want to join them either anymore. Just…buy me breakfast. We have other things we need to talk about."

"Okay," Clint said after a while, deciding it was best to let that one issue slide for the time being.

"I'll get you a bag for your things. Pretty sure the diner down the street has a no medieval weapons on the table policy." 

“Oh, uh, thanks,” thanked Clint awkwardly. It was almost funny that he had to put his precious bow in a paper Trader Joe’s back but she wasn’t really in the mood to laugh just yet.

"Why did you bring your bow and arrow anyway?" Darcy asked offhandedly, seeing Clint flinch slightly at the reminder of his night.

"I, uh, may have tracked down and taken a shot at Logan.” Clint answered after a long pause. “At least I hope it was him and not a civilian with mutton chops."

"Well, I'm sure we'll hear from Fury about it either way," Darcy said crisply, enjoying the cringe on Clint’s face. And with that, they made their way to a diner that, while not Darcy’s favorite, served a decent breakfast. The trip over and picking a booth was completely silent and the waitress served as a good distraction until she brought their drinks and took the final orders before leaving. While Darcy wondered over Clint’s choice of a plate of meatballs with a side of honey and gravy, she stole glances from over her coffee mug and saw that a few times, he seemed to be gearing up to say something but stopped before any words left his mouth. Knowing they weren’t getting anywhere, Darcy decided to just go ahead and dive into their sea of issues.

“Look, I know we're just fuck buddies but I think I need more than that,” she started and Clint looked frustrated. It took him a while to get any words out in a coherent sentence.

 “I'm not great with talking about how I feel. I'm a man of action when it comes to that sort of thing,”

“Oh, okay,” Darcy began sarcastically, “so when you tell me that I mean nothing to you and you could do better I should ignore that and pay attention to the fact that you show up drunk on my doorstep expecting to have sex?”

“Darce,” Clint began with a sigh but Darcy wasn’t having it.

“Don’t ‘Darce’ me right now Clint. I’m not in the mood,” started Darcy but before she could work herself into an anger-fueled rant, the waitress interrupted with their food. Calming down, Darcy poured syrup over her chocolate chip and pecan waffles. She had already taken a few bites when she looked over and saw Clint debating a half eaten, gravy covered meatball on his fork.

Suddenly, Darcy’s breath left her lungs and she felt herself swept into the undertow of a wave she never anticipated. This whole relationship started because of some dumb, drunken spontaneity and Darcy wasn’t sure if she was willing to go back and stop it from happening again. All the love she had for Clint- despite everything that he said and did to her, despite her better judgment- swelled in her chest. It mixed with lingering bitterness and anger at the fact she let herself fall in love with such an emotionally incompetent and manipulative jerk. She was even angrier that because of this love, she was almost willing to forgive him completely. All because she saw him looking at a goddamned meatball in a dingy little diner. But, she held tightly onto what little ground she still had, especially when he started to talk again. 

"You deserve better than me, Darcy." Clint admitted in a rush, looking down and pushing a meatball across his plate. The statement made Darcy even angrier and she was surprised that she was able to just sit and stew for a moment instead of instantly lashing out. Taking Clint's free hand in her own, Darcy waited till he looked her in the eyes before continuing.

“Don’t pull that martyr bullshit on me,” commanded Darcy and Clint’s eyes grew wide with surprise. 

“It’s not some act,” Clint insisted when he got his bearing back and pulled his hand out of hers. He took another moment to think about what he wanted to say and the best way to say it. “I’m trouble Darcy. I just…I guess I wanted you to have an excuse to leave and not have to regret it or feel bad about it. ”

“Since when was that your decision to make? Where’s my say in this?”

“I’m not a good man. I’ve done bad things. I’ve got a ton of issues that you shouldn’t be stuck dealing with. You’re young. You need to be out having fun with…with people your age,” reasoned Clint. “Not stuck with an old man like me. Not making the biggest mistake in your life by staying with me.”

“I’m twenty-three, Clint. I’m old enough to make those decisions, whether or not they’re mistakes or even if I decide to call them mistakes. You can’t just decide one day that you think you’re not good enough or too old or too broken for me.”

“And what about the day you do decide to leave me? I wanted to break it off before I got in too deep but...” Clint trailed off and laughed bitterly. “Well you saw me last night. I guess I’m already in over my head. So what do _I_ do when you leave?”

“Why would I just leave you? _Why_ do you assume that I’m just going to leave you?” asked Darcy, completely shocked at all of his assumptions.

“Because every woman has so far. And if they’re still around it’s because they’re forced to be in close proximity to me for work.”

“If you keep pushing people away because they’re close to you, of course they leave! I-” Darcy broke off, frustrated that everything she was saying, that her meaning and promises hid in them completely went over Clint’s head. She took a different tactic.

“I’m not gonna try and fix you, okay? But the other night, when I saw you walk out with her…” Darcy trailed off, trying to ignore the nauseated feeling in her stomach at the memory and resist the urge to wipe at her watering eyes. “It bro- it really hurt,” she finally finished. Trying to avoid the first thing that came into her mind. That it completely broke her heart. Still, the insinuation hung silently in the air. “But I’m still here Clint.”

Clint’s frown deepened and he shifted uncomfortably, staring down at his hands in guilt.

“I don’t want to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. And I swear, I didn’t sleep with her. I was telling the truth-”

“You say you’re a man of action but that means you got to _show_ something,” Darcy’s throat tightened and she thought carefully about her next words. What started to spill out wasn’t really the tactic she wanted to take but she couldn’t stop it. “I- look, you don’t have to say it but…I love you. Okay? And I can’t, I can’t take it anymore if you just decide to stomp all over my heart because you think it’s what’s best for me.”

“Please,” begged Clint softly, hands clenched and unwilling to hear her declare the depth of her affection.

“ _No_ , let me finish. I need more right now. I’m not going to settle for being an easy lay for you. And. Well, you don’t have to say it back or feel it. But I want you to know. So if you can’t or don’t want to ever try to commit and work at something, tell me.  Because I stuck around this time for your douchery but I’m not going to do it again. Tell me now. Tell me what you really want so I know to start getting over you.” 

“I… I don’t want you to get over me,” Clint admitted, rubbing his hands up and down his face. “But I don’t even know where to start now.”

“How about starting over?” offered Darcy with a shrug. “Take me out on a date, let's see how things go from there. See if we’re really compatible. In a…non-sex way.”

“Okay,” Clint agreed slowly, looking to her side, deep in thought. “I can do that. We could try that. Please, know that I never meant to hurt you. I just wanted what’s best for you.”

“Well, you need to start letting me decide what I want. You don’t get to decide what’s best for me. _I_ do.” Darcy said, reaching out and moving Clint’s face so that she could stare deeply into his eyes, praying he understood. “And you can’t throw Steve into my face every time you feel insecure and want to blame me for something.”

“Yeah…sorry. I, um, I guess that was a low blow.”

“Guess? It _was_. Since when were you all insecure about him anyway?”

“Darcy, can we not talk about this?” whined Clint.

“We’re talking about everything else. Why not this?”

“I…I’m not some super soldier like him. He’s…he’s Captain fucking America,” Clint said but Darcy got lost in his strange explanation.

“What?”

“You grew up with his posters on your walls. You…pretended to be married to him-”

“I did that when I was seven! God, I wished I never blabbed that,” growled Darcy, feeling her cheeks blush slightly at the memory of the rather disastrous first meeting in front of the whole team. 

“And you’re blushing now! See?”

“What is that supposed to make me see? That I’m embarrassed I made a fool of myself the first time I met the whole team?” Darcy decided it was best to get all of this out right now because Clint randomly throwing her friendship with Steve in her face as an argument was ridiculous. Darcy tried to focus again.

“Steve is just a friend. Yeah, I had the hots for him when I first met him but I also had the hots for Thor but you never argue about that. And yeah I looked up to him. I still do. But he was the story I heard to help me go to bed because I was afraid of the monsters in my closet. Okay, maybe I have a bit of hero worship. I admit that but I got to know him and he’s one of my best friends. That’s it. He’s a great guy but that’s all I see him as. He’s not my first choice but hey, up until recently, you weren’t either. That’s okay because I know I’m not your first choice…wait, while we’re on the subject, what about you and Natasha? Who am I supposed to replace?”

“What? You can’t compare- Natasha and I…we’re not like that anymore,” Clint started to stumble. “And…I’m…you’re not replacing her. I’d never-”

“See? Not so fun is it?” Darcy crossed her arms and hoped she’d made her point. “So lets promise to never throw that into an argument. New beginnings right? We all have baggage but whatever.”

They fell into a tense silence and went back to their food after Clint nodded in solemn agreement.

“You want a meatball?” asked Clint after a while, hoping to lessen the awkward. Darcy laughed softly, a little thankful at the change in subject.

“No thanks, I like my breakfast foods to be sweet. Not nasty.”

“It’s my hangover food. Tried and true. Besides, meatballs are good, I don’t see what you have against them.”

“I have no issues with them. But you eat them, like, all the time. I’ve never seen anyone have to many frozen meatballs in their freezer. Not even Thor.”

“Growing boys need protein.”

“Growing boys, that explains your maturity level- hey!” Darcy squeaked when Clint reached over and tried to steal one of her waffles. He tried to go in for another attempt but she pulled back.

“If we’re going on official dates, does this mean you’re going to make me a mixtape?” asked Clint. “Because I want better songs than the ones you gave Steve.”

“That’s tough. Ke$ha doesn’t have any songs with ‘Clint’ in them. But we’ll have to wait and see how the first date goes. I’m not even sure you’re mixtape material yet,” smirked Darcy, ignoring his little nudge of Steve, even if they promised against mentioning it. Baby steps she decided.

“Then don’t think I’m putting out on the first date.”

“Good. I don’t think I’d be able to respect you afterwards,” joked Darcy, making Clint laugh sincerely for the first time in what felt like months. As he laughed, Darcy could feel the words already trying to escape her throat and Clint seemed to catch her eye as she tried to hold it back. His laughter suddenly stopped and he became sad.

“I…want to say it. I just can’t. Not right now. But,” Clint sighed, staring into Darcy’s eyes desperately before looking away to stare pensively at the linoleum floor. “But maybe soon.”

“To new beginnings?” Darcy offered quietly, lifting her mug of coffee up for a mock cheer when she realized Clint was lost in his thoughts. Instead of knocking his glass against hers, he reached across the table and took her hands in hers. She gave his hand a reassuring squeeze and smiled a little to herself. They weren’t ‘fixed’, not by a long shot. There were still things bubbling uncomfortably at the surface that needed to be talked through and risked making things worse before it really got better. Clint still needed to find ways to fully redeem himself in her eyes and trust still had to be established.

But for the moment, she was content with his maybe. 

 

 

 

**> ~~~~< **

And I’ve been a fool and I’ve been blind,  
I can never leave the past behind.  
I can see no way, I can see no way-  
I’m always dragging that horse around.  
Our love is questioned, such a mournful sound.  
Tonight, I’m gonna bury that horse in the ground.  
I like to keep my issues drawn.  
It’s always darkest before the dawn. 

And I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t.  
So here’s to drinks in the dark, at the end of my rope.  
And I’m ready to suffer and I’m ready to hope-  
It’s a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat.  
‘Cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me-  
Looking for heaven, found the devil in me.  
But, what the hell? I’m gonna let it happen to me.

 

_-Shake It Out_ , Florence + The Machine


End file.
